Kyfhon Felis

03:08 pm: woo
This post was made on a Playstation Portable in a mexican restaurant.

08:00 pm:

09:23 pm: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

03:47 pm: A couple of weeks ago I had an interview for what is literally the dream job I've been wanting for most of my adult life. I overqualified for the position, and in the interview it was suggested that I be put in a higher paying position. Driving home after the interview, thinking that my life is finally picking up, I was _extremely_ happy in a way I've not felt in awhile. I went home, and wrote a program for them - that I heard they needed - in 5 hours. A day later I heard the person I interviewed with (the CEO) couldn't get a feel of me. I was nervous. Last week, after days of worry, I was told by a friend working there that he is not interested. He wasn't even told that I wrote that program. My dream was killed because of my nervousness and miscommunication. All I want at this point is a second interview and I don't know how to get it. I could have paid for everything in a year, working there.

This week on monday I went to Verizon to take a test, for my backup plan. Friday I learned I did not pass the test.

Nothing has changed in my life, but I'm not able to cope anymore. Even with help it seems nothing can change for the better. I'm going to try therapy and get medicated - and stick with it - because it's gotten to the point where I'm not able to pick myself back up.

I'm not angsting for the sake of it, just letting those who may wonder what's going on. I still exist, even if I don't initiate contact. It doesn't mean I don't like you.

09:58 am: New Orleans is nifty. That is all. Posting from my cellphone for the geek factor.

10:18 pm: Went to Austin to visiting aetherealcreepy, and I've concluded that Austin rules. Any town with a 'keep Austin weird' campaign, a mega-bookstore with pink men's restroom doors and blue women's restroom doors (with a bigger pagan section than christian), and _interesting_ `n queer graffiti is happy, in my book.

They also make an effort to make things look nice, unlike Houston.

04:14 am: Google > you
Some webcams have nifty features, such as a web interface for controlling them. Some of those are insecure by default. And some people use those for security cameras. Enter google...with a myriad bots it scours the web, seeking out and catalogging everything. Now you the user can input things like:
inurl:"ViewerFrame?Mode=" or inurl:"MultiCameraFrame?Mode=" and see what transpires in:
a laundromat in Japan, a goat-pen somewhere or other, or a temple or theatre thingy, or a street in Japan.

You can pan and zoom these things. Word has spread, and sometimes someone will be controlling the camera when you are trying to. Look up next time. Is the friendly neighborhood security camera moving this way and that, acting like it's on crack? If so, wave to your fellow internet citizens.

03:13 am: Entropy angst
Birthday is Thursday, I turn 27 x.x. Not sure what to do Thursday, aside from work.

04:45 pm: Stickeriffic
Thursday I bought a sticker for my car. Because of my boredom, I searched for an image of it online. Wheee:

04:17 pm: Twich-o-rama
I think I've been kicked into social mode for a bit. Unfortunately I'm at work, infront of a blasted computer. And the web is especially boring today.

09:09 pm: Happy birthday Omi.
Emotions still taking me by the shoulders and shaking me, demanding me to do the impossible.

04:06 am: Yuletide loot
I don't generally have xmas, my parents don't celebrate it. Ohwell, no biggie, but yay for having it somewhat this year. Stuff I got:

+ $1000 downpayment on car that saved my ass from ruin, from my parents. =^.^=
+ $200 from Robert & Roy Marsh (!), owners of EV1, for xmas charity thingie. o.o
+ Big...BIG-assed zippo from Michi. O.O And fried pickles.
+ Stuff not to be mentioned in ye olde public forum, from [censored]. :D!!!!
+ Xmas eve after-work hanging out with Randy/Katie, watching Hellboy.
+ Xmas day dinner(breakfast) with Stef and her parents.
+ Candles, trippy gooey stuff, starbucks gift certificate, keychain thingies, mini-Baileys irish creme, bigassed box of chocolates from Stef's parents.
+ Somethingorother from Stef, which I forgot to get and is probably still in her car. o.o

02:34 am: An epic search for interesting things.
Sitting at work, bored. What do I do when there's no work/rp/conversation to be found at a computer? Browse websites. Specifically, a number of regularily updated sites. I've expended all they have to offer, tonight, so I'm trying something else...posting to livejournal...about the sites I hit every day. Whee...

http://slashdot.org/ - Geek news. Links (and discussion) to stuff about computers, space, technology, stuff, things.
http://www.memepool.com/ - Random links. Not updated much.
http://boingboing.net/ - Random links. Updated more often.
http://www.metafilter.com/ - Random links and discussion. Updated even more often.
http://linkfilter.net/ - More random links updated alot more often.
http://news.myway.com/ - General news site without crappy ads.
http://www.fark.com/ - Guess what? Random news links and photoshop contests.
http://www.universetoday.com/ - News articles about space-a-riffic stuff.

http://www.stupidsecurity.com/ - News articles about stupid security practices (like at the airport, etc). Stupid security stories are so common that this site gets updated frequently.

http://www.epilogue.net/ - Generally high quality sf/fantasy pictures made by net.artists (Temporarily down).

http://freshmeat.net/ - Software release site for just about any free/open source program (mostly for UNIX).
http://www.orbithangar.com/ - Updated addons for the space simulator I'm addicted to.

What sites do you hit every day? (AKA: Heeelllppp meeee I'mmm boooorrrreeeedddd!)

05:57 pm: Festively bastardiz-o-riffic
Got my xmas festivizing on.
Thanks Randy & Stef =^.^=

05:37 am: Hey James!!
Sprite made me watch an evil eville thing, and mentioned that you were obsessed by it.
Thanks to you (and thus her) the dammed song is in my head. So here's your xmas present (instead of coal ;>):

01:32 am: Carz carz carz!!!@#!@!111
2001 Toyota Corolla: 55k miles, $8000k ($160/month), 2 year warranty, power windows, remote lock, cd-changer+tapedeck, comfy-ish seats, reliable, not-so-cheap to repair, good safety reviews.


2000 Saturn SL2: 65k miles, $6500k ($165/month), 2 year warranty, no power windows, no power locks, just a radio, not-so-comfy seats, reliable (personal brand experience), cheap to repair, good safety reviews...and my stepfather's saturn plowed headfirst into a spinning ford f250 at 55 mph and we just got bruises.

I find myself asking, do I risk my life for a better car?

05:39 pm: Fucking tar-baby car drama
On Sunday I was driving to work and looked down for my cigarette lighter...for perhaps 3-5 seconds. Apparently the people in my lane (right lane) were parked, with no emergency lights. So I totalled my green ford explorer, which I've had for 7 years...finally, after numerous collisions, none of which were my fault, I fucked up and killed the green beast.

Today I was being driven around, car-shopping with my stepfather. I found a 2000 saturn sl2 for 6500, and a 2001 toyota corolla for 8000. I was happy because the payments on the corolla would be 135 a month (160/month with 30k mile warranty), if we bought it today. We were heading to the saturn place to test drive it and negotiate monthly payments down...on i-10...when a truck infront of us clipped the start of a divider that seperated freeway from construction area and spun. We slammed into it, and my stepfather's saturn is totalled. My stepfather and I are fine. The person driving the truck died on the scene.

It's ironic, and I'm mentally clinging to that irony so I don't have to face being so near a death again. So I don't start to get upset about the feeling that something is out to get me. But, yes...

2004 is a cursed year. Everyone please be carefull until newyears...

Later tonight I may be going car shopping again, with my mother, who has the only remaining car at the house. Wish me luck so that we don't get into a wreck...

02:53 am: E Nomine == Purr.
Thanks James!

02:53 am: Return to frivolousness
I bring you all the...

Livejournal keychain quiz

On my keychain there is:
+ Key to the FnordMobile (green `93 Explorer)
+ Housekey
+ Ford keyless entry system (broken)
+ Stick of 32 pin 1 megabyte ram (bought for $125 many years ago)
+ Inova Microlight (blue led)
+ Inova Microlight (green led)
+ Tritium glowstick (purple, radioactive, will glow for 12 years)

What's on your keychain? (You know you want to post)

03:48 am: I'm sleeping 10-12 hours a night and am still getting tired. Bad sign. Still unable to wrap my mind around / accept / come to terms with what all happened, still feeling this insane urge to grab the fabric of the universe and shake it, screaming. I still have the suspicion that I need to cry and throw a fit, like lancing a sore, but that isn't coming, my mind steers away from thinking of such things when the emotions reach a certian level. Of course, perhaps throwing more fits won't help, perhaps the mind isn't a sponge and grief isn't water that can be wrung out. Maybe. But yeah, I've been putting off seeing a shrink for other issues for awhile, now I'll be seeing one. That is, if I'm able to wake up in time for the appointment Thursday.

I've reached the point where I'm able to distract myself and actually have fun at LARP and online RP. That's good, perhaps.

01:50 am: If anyone knows of specific songs that Johnny loves, please reply to this and give me the names. I'm making him a CD, he needs music.

01:35 am: I'm not sure how to handle Omi's death. It still hurts alot to say the least, and I'm unable to work. The hotel might have been a good way to take my mind off of things, but just running away from things for so long and trying to have fun like that seems disrespectful, not to mention the fact that I did not grieve as much as I should have during those days, I think. I'm not sure how to get this out of me, I don't want to cry alone and I still seem to be avoiding really thinking about this on a subconscious level.

I also hate the universe, as I've said alot these past few days. It seems cold, cruel, and filled with pettyness. I am weary of dealing with it. No, this is not suicidal angst, but something akin to disgust. If anyone has any advice on how to cope please let me know.

04:40 am: ...
Any reality that would allow a sweet wonderful person like Amanda to die pointlessly like this is fundamentally broken. I miss you, Omi. May your next life be a joyful one.

05:45 am: Rescued idiot
Thank you Mary and Johnny for the evac, and Ethan for the company. I love you all.

05:43 am: Lemming
kyfhon
ref